Why I gave up on finding a balance

Hi, Gopi here.

I am super jetlagged writing this.

My brain feels like it’s in a different time zone, and my body is just along for the ride. Honestly, every part of me wants to skip this week.

But two things are stopping me. The first is a bet I made with my co-founder, Nooa, that we’d have to publicly shame ourselves if we missed a post.

The second is a much deeper, more annoying drive: my obsessive need to get things done.

I just got back from two months of traveling. I miss my family dearly, but I can barely sit with them for five minutes. My mind is already racing, catching up on all the bullshit I missed.

I need to call my driving school (yes, I’m 21 and still don’t have a license). I need to contact the Finnish embassy. I need to dive back into my day job and prove I’m not a slacker. The to-do list is a monster.

And this is something I learned about myself on my travels. I have absolutely zero ability to balance work and leisure.

Once my laptop opens, it’s over.

You could be talking directly to my face, but I won’t hear a word. It’s like I get sucked into a parallel universe where the only thing that exists is the task in front of me. I’ve skipped meals because I literally forget to feel hungry.

I had this fantasy of what a "digital nomad" day would look like:
Work for an hour, hit the gym.
Answer emails for 20 minutes, grab lunch.
Code for 30 minutes, go sightseeing.

No fucking way.

For me, it’s a 5-hour deep dive, locked in, chained to the obsession of finishing. The same goes for travel; if I’m thinking about work, I’m not really there. I’m just a ghost taking up space in a new city.

We’re all fed this idea that we can balance everything perfectly. Family, Health, Career, Travel, Dating, Learning. We're told we can spin all these plates at once.

But that’s bullshit.

I’m not trying to promote toxic hustle culture. This isn’t a celebration of burning out. It’s an honest admission that trying to do everything at once means doing nothing well. Something always has to give.

Who are the people telling us to "find a balance," anyway? Are they really juggling it all? Or are they just better at hiding the plates they’ve dropped?

Maybe the goal isn’t balance.
Maybe it’s about choosing what to be obsessed with for a season.

This week, my obsession is work. It means my family life suffers. When I was traveling, my obsession was being present. It meant my work suffered.

It’s a constant, messy trade-off. And maybe accepting that is the first step to actually getting shit done without feeling guilty about the things you’re intentionally letting go.

For now, at least.